To Tell on Myself

I recently took up one of the most misguided ventures of human behavior.

Contacting old flames.

From every possible point of view, this is not an intelligent move. Under no circumstances would a proud and confident person choose to toil in the past and attempt to regenerate old feelings or otherwise resurrect the dead.

This common undertaking by no means results from a moment of spontaneity, unless drugs or alcohol are involved. It would have to take a conscious effort to prepare and implement any final decisions from one’s inner monologue. I imagine people who do this fall into one of three categories.

1. Self denial…one looks for approval of their existence instead of confronting interpersonal challenges. This could also qualify as an ego feed, where by said individual wants to see if they still matter or have influence in the lives of others.
2. Mid life whining…one is at a crossroads of indirection and is looking for answers to questions they aren’t aware of.
3. Been gone awhile and haven’t talked to any females in some time.

(This was hardly a scientific explanation for behavior)

I fall into the third. There is 12,000 miles between me and my old stomping grounds. Actually, I move quite often, so familiar grounds don't really apply. But I hope you get the point.
I justify my actions based on the principals of geography.

So far I have been emailing…

…a girl who I dated three years ago, never trusted and ended on abrupt terms at my disposal. Still don’t trust her or would ever want to date her again, so why did I make contact?
She was perfect in so many ways. Except for those nagging tendencies to be manipulative, controlling and deceitful. Other than all that…she was a keeper.

…a girl who I never actually did date, but has a habit of including me in her mass grouping of emails. I hate group emails and will explain this further at a later date. She was one of the most pleasent and caring people I have ever known. Anyway, we use to have a cute flirty thing at a common place of employment back in the day, but nothing ever happened. Nor have I ever responded to one of those group emails of her’s of over the past two years! Until last month. Not sure what I am trying to do with this one either.

…a girl who I just recently dated for awhile (almost a year) and spent my last weekend in the states with, (not together at the time) before being activated. This I suppose makes a little more sense, however, we have only been apart for six months or so at the date of the occasion and there may not have been enough time for our separation to mature and therefore cause confusion. Haven’t been in contact with her just recently, but I am trying to be rationale about this one. I will probably reference this relationship in the future as well. It had some interesting virtues.

Anyway, I am not sure what I am trying to accomplish and there is no logical reasoning behind these efforts. I just know that these types of actions would be entirely unacceptable if it wasn’t for geography. I hope that counts.

~Rolligun