Umm.....who am I to speak
Seriously, based on my postings to this point I would not blame you if you don't actually think I am serving in a war. I myself don't always feel that way.
Anyway I am sitting here at a computer ("no shit") intently focused on how to arrange this blog and read the news and check boxscores all at the same time. I never do only one thing at time...remember this deficiancy. So as focused as I am on my own world, I am approached by a younger enlisted soldier who is conserned about an old girlfriend. We discuss what would constitute "stalker"behavior (he somehow wanted to find out if she was lieing to him about living with another dude) how to get closure and how to otherwise deal with girls.
The first thought to cross my mind, apart from transitioning from my own interests to now actually helping someone else was..."in all my history of infinate brilliance, how can this kid possibley think I am qualified to help?" If only he knew the stupid shit I sometimes do like unessecarly burn bridges because I won't sacrafice my pride or send emails to old relationships (see november 16?) or hell, I can can on and on, but it's just not the subject of this post.
Whatever, he isn't standing in front of me with this drousy look of concern becuase he wants to hear about how little I have to offer, he wants something, a voice, support, if not the golden solution to his problems. Well I'll give it go and see what happens...
I can always empathize, if not acutally help, so I will start with an understanding...
He has no other outlet or replacement stimuli (other girls) to help divert his undying focus on the old girlfriend. That's a problem of being so far away from the home you know. The girl he is dealing with sounds like she has no clue what she wants, changes her mind from day to day and has unrealistic expectations of him(How common is this?). Such as, "it's me or the Army" she tells him. What kind of request is that?, you can't just put a two week notice in. I can see the difficultly someone would have in relating to another that harbors this foundation of logic. (Good luck, dude)
Anyway, he wants to know first off if having a friend determine if she is living with someone would qualify him as a stalker? I tell him that there is two answers to this one, take your pick. The first is, "this is obviously of great concern to you and there is fear that she may be lieing." So in order to establish some piece of mind enroute to closure, I would say go ahead and have someone investigate. However, if it takes an effort of anything greater than telling someone to "walk around the block" then forget it. That would approach unreasonable behavior, kind of like slowing down for a yellow light. The second school thought, a"Dr. Laura" sort of answer is that it is simply none of your business and she has whatever rights entitled to her as not being your girlfriend.
However, I suggest option one. (At this point the young trooper needs answers, not textbook theory")
Well I will skip several parts of the discussion so I can bring this passage to a relative conclusion.
Mostly, he was full of heartache and misdirection. This young lass was good at her craft and he had absolutely no idea what to make of her actions. He complained intensely about the things she would do and the different languages she spoke in (all versions of English).
I asked him what he wanted. The head sunk and the shoulders shrugged. O.K. then, you have more options. Each one is dependat on figuring out yourself first.
(I really don't give out advice, sometimes I just tend to give my answers in the form of a "multiple choice test" Takes away the burden of error, from me, I think)
1. You can find out if she lied to you and send her a big "Fuck You!" type of letter and hope that it closes the book or finally sends the message that you want truth and clarity, if the two of you are ever to speak again. (I didn't pitch this option with any enthusiasm as it is quite immature and not very productive. Just one way to go.)
2. Ignore the fact that she may have lied to you and make a well disciplined and conscious effort to change your intentions. He still cared for her, so I told him he could just stay in touch but skip all the emotional crap and simply stick to chatter. Basically, it is a more practical application of option one. You simply stop being the subservant lamb by removing your desire to please her (sends same message) but at the same time you remain supportive and humane. Also captured by being "indifferent" to her actions. (I recommended this approach with a little more sway)
3. Decide what it is that you really want. It didn't really seem as though this was the girl of his dreams, I think his emotions were intensified because of distance. If you want to be with her, you have to achieve an extreem level of patience and support from over here. If your not so sure, than tell her goodbye and wish her luck.
Option three kind of seemed like the way to go. We were able to determine that she has excessive attention needs and fear of loss issues. I am not pyscologist, but intuition is one of my strenghts. Anyway, I just found found out I have go so I am gonna wrap this up right quick and apolojize for not bringing closure (or spell check) to this posting. We talked for about half hour and he thanked me at the end. That was cool. It's one of the roles I do have, over here, that I enjoy. All of my "couseling" responsibilities. Some of it unofficial, but I'll help where I can. My LT complains that I do too much non-millitary stuff with my troops, but I don't see it that way. Everything I do is in some way meant to improve the personal welfare of the individual, which will always help the function of the mission, even if it is indirect. There is plenty of people here who concern themselves only with what is printed as an Army regulation. I try to bring balance and variety. That' my unofficial job as I describe it.
Anyway I am sitting here at a computer ("no shit") intently focused on how to arrange this blog and read the news and check boxscores all at the same time. I never do only one thing at time...remember this deficiancy. So as focused as I am on my own world, I am approached by a younger enlisted soldier who is conserned about an old girlfriend. We discuss what would constitute "stalker"behavior (he somehow wanted to find out if she was lieing to him about living with another dude) how to get closure and how to otherwise deal with girls.
The first thought to cross my mind, apart from transitioning from my own interests to now actually helping someone else was..."in all my history of infinate brilliance, how can this kid possibley think I am qualified to help?" If only he knew the stupid shit I sometimes do like unessecarly burn bridges because I won't sacrafice my pride or send emails to old relationships (see november 16?) or hell, I can can on and on, but it's just not the subject of this post.
Whatever, he isn't standing in front of me with this drousy look of concern becuase he wants to hear about how little I have to offer, he wants something, a voice, support, if not the golden solution to his problems. Well I'll give it go and see what happens...
I can always empathize, if not acutally help, so I will start with an understanding...
He has no other outlet or replacement stimuli (other girls) to help divert his undying focus on the old girlfriend. That's a problem of being so far away from the home you know. The girl he is dealing with sounds like she has no clue what she wants, changes her mind from day to day and has unrealistic expectations of him(How common is this?). Such as, "it's me or the Army" she tells him. What kind of request is that?, you can't just put a two week notice in. I can see the difficultly someone would have in relating to another that harbors this foundation of logic. (Good luck, dude)
Anyway, he wants to know first off if having a friend determine if she is living with someone would qualify him as a stalker? I tell him that there is two answers to this one, take your pick. The first is, "this is obviously of great concern to you and there is fear that she may be lieing." So in order to establish some piece of mind enroute to closure, I would say go ahead and have someone investigate. However, if it takes an effort of anything greater than telling someone to "walk around the block" then forget it. That would approach unreasonable behavior, kind of like slowing down for a yellow light. The second school thought, a"Dr. Laura" sort of answer is that it is simply none of your business and she has whatever rights entitled to her as not being your girlfriend.
However, I suggest option one. (At this point the young trooper needs answers, not textbook theory")
Well I will skip several parts of the discussion so I can bring this passage to a relative conclusion.
Mostly, he was full of heartache and misdirection. This young lass was good at her craft and he had absolutely no idea what to make of her actions. He complained intensely about the things she would do and the different languages she spoke in (all versions of English).
I asked him what he wanted. The head sunk and the shoulders shrugged. O.K. then, you have more options. Each one is dependat on figuring out yourself first.
(I really don't give out advice, sometimes I just tend to give my answers in the form of a "multiple choice test" Takes away the burden of error, from me, I think)
1. You can find out if she lied to you and send her a big "Fuck You!" type of letter and hope that it closes the book or finally sends the message that you want truth and clarity, if the two of you are ever to speak again. (I didn't pitch this option with any enthusiasm as it is quite immature and not very productive. Just one way to go.)
2. Ignore the fact that she may have lied to you and make a well disciplined and conscious effort to change your intentions. He still cared for her, so I told him he could just stay in touch but skip all the emotional crap and simply stick to chatter. Basically, it is a more practical application of option one. You simply stop being the subservant lamb by removing your desire to please her (sends same message) but at the same time you remain supportive and humane. Also captured by being "indifferent" to her actions. (I recommended this approach with a little more sway)
3. Decide what it is that you really want. It didn't really seem as though this was the girl of his dreams, I think his emotions were intensified because of distance. If you want to be with her, you have to achieve an extreem level of patience and support from over here. If your not so sure, than tell her goodbye and wish her luck.
Option three kind of seemed like the way to go. We were able to determine that she has excessive attention needs and fear of loss issues. I am not pyscologist, but intuition is one of my strenghts. Anyway, I just found found out I have go so I am gonna wrap this up right quick and apolojize for not bringing closure (or spell check) to this posting. We talked for about half hour and he thanked me at the end. That was cool. It's one of the roles I do have, over here, that I enjoy. All of my "couseling" responsibilities. Some of it unofficial, but I'll help where I can. My LT complains that I do too much non-millitary stuff with my troops, but I don't see it that way. Everything I do is in some way meant to improve the personal welfare of the individual, which will always help the function of the mission, even if it is indirect. There is plenty of people here who concern themselves only with what is printed as an Army regulation. I try to bring balance and variety. That' my unofficial job as I describe it.
posted by Rolligun at 12:37 AM
3 Comments:
From the woman’s standpoint, I would go with #3 as well. However, I have gone the crazy stalker route before (not exactly proud of that fact, yet a heroine to some of my female friends for some of the crazy shit I have done… hmmm, maybe I shouldn’t be rambling about that).
Anyway, I enjoy your writing, it is quit insightful and I think you have some talent (I have an English degree, therefore I have the authority to say so :-P ) Keep writing! The first few months are the hardest.
Best Wishes from the States,
~Heidi
PS: As someone who has been there, I’m very amused by the Nov 18th post.
Wow, what great advice. And good on you for taking the time to stop and help.
No, no. I quit my job (it was very liberating). And in my unemployment I have been to lazy to actually write. Maybe I should get on that...
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