When Writing Life?
I don’t really know how to do this, haven’t figured it all out yet. All I know is that sometimes a moment in the day will capture a thought, memory, or an observation and I will be motivated to write about it. Something that has to do with life. I haven’t had that happen in while. I think I’m missing some inspiration or something. But I’m actually interested in writing again so I’m just going to grind this out to the bitter end if I have too. I need something to write about. Thinking. Thinking. What about….uh, no...ahhh, not that either. I just miss that feeling you get when you write something that you actually like or even better that little bit of a thrill you have as you transfer thoughts to paper or so it goes. The best part is when your fingers seem to be moving faster than your mind. Then you go back and read the last couple of sentences and find yourself surprised with the direction you took. O.k. where going that way now. Here we go!
I’m hoping that I can get things going again by the fall or something when my world changes once again. I think I need a new scene. Right now I’m just stuck on the escalator, walking the wrong way. Coincidently enough, I use to do that in the mall as a little kid because I thought it was fun. Nobody else seemed to share my amusement. Anyway, I’m doing that again, only now it’s not any fun. Just going through the motions.
I think I’m looking for other kinds of answers these days. You get set in a frame of mind and if your content with that set of thoughts, then your able to let in more and more and more. But what happens if you lose sight of the originals or maybe you lose a part of them (your thoughts) and then it feels like your back at the near beginning again. So now you don’t let so much in anymore. At least I think that’s how it works for me. I suppose I can be somewhat methodical when comes to life. I need certain things in place and when those things are disorganized I am not as able to move on with the rest of it. This is what gives me that wrong way escalator feeling or “spinning your wheels” so to speak.
I’ve always admired the people who seem either extremely free or extremely ignorant. Either or. I think the benefits are the same. I’m not really that way, not as carefree or untroubled as I’d like to be. I have some inherent commitment of always being consumed by something. Always dwelling. The first time I ever heard that word “dwelling” was when my sister pointed that problem out to me at some young age. I don’t know if it was years of surveillance that lead her to that that assessment or maybe she also happened to learn the meaning of the word “Dwell” that day and found an opportunity to use it in a moment of spontaneity. Either way, I remember that comment that observation. (Excuse me while a take a moment to think about that…)
“Dwelling” has a ceiling to it, a limit to its meaning. You can only dwell on details. If it’s anything more important than the details, then it isn’t dwelling anymore. It gravitates beyond burdens to obsession to afflictions and so on. But it’s not that hard to get lost in life’s details either.
That parenthesis was suppose to be an easy joke a simple play on the word’s meaning, but it turned out to be a quick reality instead, which is why I shared my extended definition of the word.
The carefree or the ignorant -- they don’t do that. I like them for it.
This is getting odd, I think and I have to get back to the duality of my point. Do I even have any idea what my point is anymore?
It’s hard to write something if you don’t know what the point is. It’s harder to live if you don’t know what your point is. This is what you end up with… a paroxysmal series of uncollected thoughts and actions. Maybe that’s the problem…I need to find my point my original thought. One that I still have and take it from there. But that’s how things go. Sometimes you get it and sometimes you don’t. No problem there.
It’s all just a big cycle and you go with it when you can and you stand in the way when you can’t. I don’t think there is much point in following or going the other way, sometimes you just have to grind it out to the bitter end. You have to search for your point. You have to find your point. Develop it. Then find another one. And another. And you ride it until you lose it all again. That’s one of life’s certainties. Everything always comes and goes. You just have to keep finding it. Then you can live it then you can write it. I don’t really know how to do this, I just know I like it when when my fingers move faster than my mind and then you go back and read the last bit of life that has happened and find yourself surprised with the direction you took. And you like it.
O.k. where going that way now. Here we go!
~Rolligun
*I just learned of the word paroxysmal today and found an opportunity to use it. It's not like I come complete with a working knowledge of rare and pecuiler looking words.
I’m hoping that I can get things going again by the fall or something when my world changes once again. I think I need a new scene. Right now I’m just stuck on the escalator, walking the wrong way. Coincidently enough, I use to do that in the mall as a little kid because I thought it was fun. Nobody else seemed to share my amusement. Anyway, I’m doing that again, only now it’s not any fun. Just going through the motions.
I think I’m looking for other kinds of answers these days. You get set in a frame of mind and if your content with that set of thoughts, then your able to let in more and more and more. But what happens if you lose sight of the originals or maybe you lose a part of them (your thoughts) and then it feels like your back at the near beginning again. So now you don’t let so much in anymore. At least I think that’s how it works for me. I suppose I can be somewhat methodical when comes to life. I need certain things in place and when those things are disorganized I am not as able to move on with the rest of it. This is what gives me that wrong way escalator feeling or “spinning your wheels” so to speak.
I’ve always admired the people who seem either extremely free or extremely ignorant. Either or. I think the benefits are the same. I’m not really that way, not as carefree or untroubled as I’d like to be. I have some inherent commitment of always being consumed by something. Always dwelling. The first time I ever heard that word “dwelling” was when my sister pointed that problem out to me at some young age. I don’t know if it was years of surveillance that lead her to that that assessment or maybe she also happened to learn the meaning of the word “Dwell” that day and found an opportunity to use it in a moment of spontaneity. Either way, I remember that comment that observation. (Excuse me while a take a moment to think about that…)
“Dwelling” has a ceiling to it, a limit to its meaning. You can only dwell on details. If it’s anything more important than the details, then it isn’t dwelling anymore. It gravitates beyond burdens to obsession to afflictions and so on. But it’s not that hard to get lost in life’s details either.
That parenthesis was suppose to be an easy joke a simple play on the word’s meaning, but it turned out to be a quick reality instead, which is why I shared my extended definition of the word.
The carefree or the ignorant -- they don’t do that. I like them for it.
This is getting odd, I think and I have to get back to the duality of my point. Do I even have any idea what my point is anymore?
It’s hard to write something if you don’t know what the point is. It’s harder to live if you don’t know what your point is. This is what you end up with… a paroxysmal series of uncollected thoughts and actions. Maybe that’s the problem…I need to find my point my original thought. One that I still have and take it from there. But that’s how things go. Sometimes you get it and sometimes you don’t. No problem there.
It’s all just a big cycle and you go with it when you can and you stand in the way when you can’t. I don’t think there is much point in following or going the other way, sometimes you just have to grind it out to the bitter end. You have to search for your point. You have to find your point. Develop it. Then find another one. And another. And you ride it until you lose it all again. That’s one of life’s certainties. Everything always comes and goes. You just have to keep finding it. Then you can live it then you can write it. I don’t really know how to do this, I just know I like it when when my fingers move faster than my mind and then you go back and read the last bit of life that has happened and find yourself surprised with the direction you took. And you like it.
O.k. where going that way now. Here we go!
~Rolligun
*I just learned of the word paroxysmal today and found an opportunity to use it. It's not like I come complete with a working knowledge of rare and pecuiler looking words.
posted by Rolligun at 12:08 AM
7 Comments:
"*I just learned of the word paroxysmal today and found an opportunity to use it. It's not like I come complete with a working knowledge of rare and peculiar looking words."
That is too funny because when I saw that word, I thought, "Wow, big words today!" hehehe
Anyway, I know what you mean and I feel for you. I often say "I wish I didn't care like.... or that things didn't bother me... or that I didn't dwell." My mother is always saying I dwell on things. She's right. I'm a dweller too. I guess someone has to do it...hmmm....
I don't consider myself a "dweller".... but then of course I don't consider myself carefree either...and ignorant...no I won't claim that either. I'm not goal oriented either so as the good things in life happen as they do...it surprizes me. I always try to share the many facets of the goodness that comes my way with others. As the not so good things happen...I suppose I can be a little bit like Scarlet (Gone with the Wind)"Tomarrow is another day." and will think about/worry about a problem later...much later maybe even forget about it....
We all have a point... the problem is that few of us are capable of realizing it. There are some who want to find more noble goals inside. Some in spontaneous writing try to find their points... try to understand themselves reading their own words...
I'm tired of doing things because it has a "point." Do I always have to have a set goal or objective when I do things? Is it not enough to live and experience life? I welcome uncertainties, they give way to helping me understand myself better and have an open-mind to welcome all possibilities. A "pointless" life is it really THAT bad? I am happy to just walk and walk and walk, under the heat of the sun or drenched in torrential tropical rain, without any idea of where I'd want to go but I'm sure the destination will present itself. I love that.
Mommy,
Glad you thought that was funny, however I'm still not convinced I can pronouce it properly.
Janie,
I'm not familiar with "Gone with the Wind" but I like wherer your going with that!
Most times it's not even the things that are really important in the grand scheme of it all, that get me. It's oftent times the short term frusttrations or dispapointments or similar circumstances. On the other hand, I can easily say **** IT!!! to the things that are often times a little more urgent/stressful/serious. And just take care of the situation.
I don't know, maybe I always need some sort of conflict to bother about.
Estrella,
Thanks for sharing -- you make some interesting points and I agree with you, I think everyone does have a purpose, it's just up to them to create it.
Missy,
I never said anyting about life being "bad" it isn't. But I do like your thoughts on the subject.
I was trying to balance the subjects of writing and living, in a very obscure and very general way.
The idea was that the whole post really didn't have a point to begin with (it dind't) and I just blathered my way to the conclusion that knowing what your doing and knowing what you want is what gives me sense of fullfillment. I don't have that right now, but that will change.
Half the time, I am running around and I will stop long enough to observe something, I tell myself I should write about that and then forget about it... Life just somehow gets in the way..
I have often thought that I should buy one of those digital recorders that lawyers or doctors use so often when they are reviewing an important case or something like that. Then they would give the recorder to a secretary to dictate their very important thoughts that would lead to very important decisions... But then I think that my thoughts aren't THAT important and people would proably think that I WAS important if they saw me talking into the recorder..But then it would be my little secret.. Where was I going with this?? As a wise man once said...This is what you end up with… a paroxysmal series of uncollected thoughts and actions...
I'd rather be carefree than ignorant. When you're ignorant, you can learn, you can be taught. When you're carefree, it's a state of mind. And it can be bliss.
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