Smile for the Camera!

I’m not really one for having my picture taken. It usually takes some amount of prodding and pushing and that’s only after my attempts to quietly duck out the back prove unsuccessful. Then someone will notice and inevitably start waving their hands. Thus the prodding begins. I’ll usually give in after the second, maybe third attempt, because I’m also not interested in gathering a bunch of attention over my refusal. So fuck it, I’ll get in the photo and manufacture a smile. My other line of defense is to volunteer to be one holding the camera. Sometimes that works. Other times it doesn’t, but I’m sure to let everyone know that I’m well qualified for such a task. See, I use to wait tables at the type of restaurant where people get really dressed up and go out to celebrate shit. So it goes with out saying, that occasions such as that always presented a photo opportunity for those in attendance. Typically, they would solicit their server for the assisted fun. That would mean me. I’m not a real big fan of this, but I do like lending a hand to those who are having a good time. So I oblige. Not that I actually had a choice and besides, it could always be worse. For example, they could ask me to actually be inside their photo, which happens or even worse, I could be asked to take a photo, to be in a photo AND to round up the dinning troops to sing a celebratory song! Which also happened. (I still remember that song and every time I sang it I secretly wished someone would start throwing food at me). But back to the matter at hand, I will always avoid having my picture taken if I can manage it.

The other day we had a visit from a three star General. This is a man of extreme rank and extreme importance. He takes orders from Rumsfeld. Anyway, he came by our operation more or less to thank us for what we do and to pat our backs. It was a good thing and I was proud to have both his presence and his approval. I genuinely am. However that doesn’t mean I necessarily want my picture taken. At the conclusion of his visit, we (all of about ten people) gathered in front of the American flag to have a group photo with the General. O.k. no problem I can do this. Now one way or another I managed to end up directly beside the General. This was not by design. I’m perfectly happy off to either side, but I couldn’t direct myself to that location this time around.

So we take the photos. Now sometime during this process, someone suggests doing individual photos. The General was all for it. After all, he was here to show his support and respect for what we do. We finished the group photo and the General, a very busy man, was eager to continue with event so he could be on his way. So he say’s “who wants a photo” and before I’m given the chance to make way for someone else, he puts his arm around me and everyone else happens to clear the way. Alrighty then. So rolligun gets an individual photo with the General. There wasn’t much I could do to avoid it, it’s not like I was going to excuse myself from the situation. What would I say?...

“Oh that’s quite alright Sir, I’d love to share a photo, but I really must be getting back to my counting of the holes in the wall”

And so it goes.

“Counter Column, March”

Today turned out to be a rather shit day. It started off so well and it was even my day off. So I didn’t see any of thist coming. For starters I was really looking forward to an email from an old friend. I couldn’t get to it from the camp I was at so I had to wait until we traveled back to were we came from. I was very much looking forward to this. Also, there was a “Support the Troops and build morale” kind of visit from the girls of WWF or WWE or wherever. Now I couldn’t care less about that kind of wrestling. In fact I hate it and never watch it. I use to compete at the actual sport of wrestling, so I cringe at the thought of all this fake uncompetitive theatre. But then again it’s just entertainment and I was actually interested in seeing a female that wasn’t wearing the same thing I was. Normally, I don’t even go to these things. The only other show/visit I can remember going to was “Dave Attel” back in October or something. But I awoke in good spirits and besides they were doing the “Meet the WWF girls and have a picture” thing in the gym, which is where I was going anyway. Yes, that’s right…I said “picture.” At the risk of sounding like a complete hypocrite I did enter the gym with the small possibility of actually getting involved in the event, meeting one of the girls, and even, gasp, doing the picture thing (I have a friend who loves these girls so I planned to do the “HA” thing and send evidence of my encounter). But long story short I quickly abandoned that plan as soon as I saw the line of soldiers who were waiting. Despite my high spirits and slightly higher than nominal interest in meeting the semi-celebs, there was no way that any of that was strong enough for me break my golden rule of never waiting in a line, unless I absolutely have too! So I skipped the photo ops. and went to straight to working out. Since everyone and their brother was on the other side of the gym, I had a pretty good workout. Didn’t have to wait for anything and was able to do all my exercises in their preferred order.

Just as I was finishing up I happen to run into one my old soldiers that use to be on my team, when I was with my old company. He was thrilled as hell to have been there and had gotten his picture taken with ALL of the girls. Also individually. God knows how long he had to wait for all of that, but hey, to each is own. He’s a really good soldier and a good guy in that goofy harmless sort of way. He was actually the subject of one of my very first posts. Something about issues with his old girlfriend. For whatever reason he seemed to think I had a clue about that sort of thing and an even bigger mystery to me was I thought I had the temerity to actually help him. Anyway, he got his photos and showed them to me. He was smiling. We chatted for a bit and both of us coincidently enough, happened to be doing “really good.” After the mutual determination he cut our meeting a bit short with the words, and I quote…

“Sorry Sarge, I’m leaving. I can’t wait to go jerk it”

How funny is that!!!

I was happy for him and wished him the best of luck in his endeavor.

He left and he was smiling.

Unfortunately that comment was probably the highlight of my day.

How frustrating is that?!?!?

Afterwards, I quickly finished the rest of my workout and eagerly moved on to the reading of my “email” which I had so greatly been anticipating. Of course my excitement was deferred while I waited to get on a computer. Hate waiting…but it’s unavoidable sometimes. Eventually I was seated and comfortably ready to read my new message. This didn’t turn out to be what I was hoping for and quickly sent my day spiraling into habitual torment. After that, I went back to my tent. The A/C was out again. So I went back the gym.

In other news, there is this guy I serve with, who is only in his late thirties; however he looks to be the age of 64. We haven’t been seeing eye to eye lately and I think the heat is perpetuating both of our issues. Naturally, mine our more important. But with out getting into details, were just not getting along. Plus he has this habit of thinking he’s John Wayne and talking to the soldiers like the camera is rolling and he has fucking cigar in his mouth. This just drives me nuts and John Wayne is exactly one more comment away from ME BEATING HIS ASS!!! The bright side is we haven’t spoken in about five days, so that’s good.

At any rate, my time is finishing up fast. I can not wait to go out with my friends and hit a bar and forget about all of this SHIT. (This is what I would have done instead of returning to the gym). I can’t wait to get my life back. And I really can’t wait to walk my dog again! As shit as this day turned out to be I’m finally getting to the point where I'll start saying fuck you to everything. As angry as that sounds, it’s actually a good thing. It means progress.

Whatever. By next month, I’ll be walking my dog!

~Rolligun

(This was a ranting post…I’ll be changing my literary course very soon.)