Just turn the handle and push...

There are exactly two things left for me to do in the applying for grad school process. Everything else is taken care of. I’ve studied, scheduled and took the GMAT. I contacted people who I didn’t keep in touch with and was still able to arrange some letters of recommendation. I’ve filled out papers, chosen schools (pseudo decided), and mailed transcripts. All that’s left, aside from applying stamp and envelope, is to cut a check and write the admissions essays. That should not be a big deal. The tasks which I originally figured would transpire into a headache were the rec. letters and the GMAT. But for some reason I’m dragging my feet on completing the essays. (Note: the only obstacle to writing a check is finding my checkbook).

If anything, this whole application process just got a lot easier on the account of a free education if I stay in Milwaukee, meaning fewer schools to apply to, and therefore fewer choices. I’m not exactly sure how I feel about that, a financial gain but I'm well limeted geographically. But how could you make the choice to go someplace else and pay $30,000 plus when I wouldn’t have to pay anything otherwise. However, I’m not even that far yet. I don’t seem to be able to actually complete any of the essays. The deadline isn’t until September 1, but I wanted to have everything completed and submitted by, well, seven days ago.

I have zero enthusiasm when I begin the essay scribbling process. I’ve only made two attempts total and this should be so easy. Just explain the following…

Why pursue graduate studies (why this school/program)?

What are your experiences? Your skills? Your interests and goals?

What can you offer the program?

Who are you?

How hard is to answer these questions? It’s not and I have no idea what my problem is. All I have to do is write with some sort of thought process, develop my ideas to at least the age of infancy and show a level of enthusiasm that’s something on par with buying ice cream. For whatever reason this seems to be a major challenge for me.

My attempts have been mild at best and every single day I wake up with intentions of using my down time to write the essays. But I keep finding other things to do. I don't know what the deal is? I’m starting to think that I won’t believe the things I would say. Maybe I'll find out I don’t know what I want or why I want it. Then again, I have a habit of making things more complicated than they need to be. I'm hoping for the latter.

I use to think I knew all this shit.


~Rolligun