Going to the Zoo
Awhile back Meghan posted some ridiculous story about how she got out of not one, but two speeding tickets. Swift girl that Meghan, I wonder how she really did it?
I have never been that fortunate. As a matter of fact the only time I’ve ever been pulled over by a cop and avoided the inclusion of pen & paper, or worse, was that of my very first time.
When I was five years old I had about the same level of patience that I have today. With that level of patience comes an equal but polar need for adventure. No patience yes adventure. I was five years old and decided that the solution to these needs was a trip to the Zoo. The frustrating part about this plan was that I needed an escort. Most communities simply aren’t ready for independent five years to do things on their own. I had to get my mom to take me. But first I had to get her out of the bathroom.
Down the Hall and on the right…I knock on the bathroom door.
I knock and wait. Knock again. And kick.
Rolliugn: “moMMMM”
…Knock, Knock, KICK…
Lady in the Bathroom: “what is it”
Rolligun with a plan: “I wanna go to the zoo.”
Evasive Lady in the Bathroom: “We’ll talk about when I’m done.”
I’m ready to go now, I have no intentions of talking about anything, much less with a door in my way.
...Kick, Kick, Knock,...
The hell with it, I open the door and enter.
Lady with hands on hips: “I told you we’d talk about it when I’m done.”
Well shit, this could take forever! I’m standing there watching her conduct some endless facial operation and god only knows when this could be over.
Intolerant Rolligun: “I’m just gonna meet you there.”
Lady now interested in negotiations: “…Rolligun,…Hey Rolligun……Rol..”
I grab my best shoes, the ones with the Velcro and head out. Goin to the Zoo. The city Zoo was about a half hour away, by auto. Of course I had no idea how to get there, but at five years old the only direction I needed was down the hall, a left and out the door. I saw no problem with any of that. My chosen course of transportation was my “big wheel.” For those of you who aren’t familiar with what the were, it was a plastic three wheeled toy of a ride, intended for transport, with one single hand brake and a big plastic wheel in the front. How they ever came to name this thing, I’ll never know.
I started wheeling my way down the sidewalk and proceeded to take various lefts and rights. I come across a new city block every so often and promptly follow with another turn to some direction or another. Doesn’t matter which road I chose, I’m goin to the Zoo.
Eventually a police officer pulls up along side me. Apparently he had been following me, without my knowledge. Sneaky fucker, but this would also serve as my first lesson in their tactics.
Blue man with Sunglasses: “where you going?”
Rolligun with Big Wheel: “Goin to the Zoo”
Blue man with Sunglasses: “That’s a long ways away, I don’t think you can make it from here.”
Rolligun with Big Wheel: “I’m almost there”
Blue Man becoming Police Officer: “Where is your mom?”
Rolligun with Big Wheel: “There is something wrong with her face, but she’s gonna meet me there”
Police Officer: “I think I better take you home”
My vehicle is confiscated and placed into the custody of the back seat. Luckily, I posed little threat to the officer at this point and he allowed me to sit in the front, un-cuffed.
Police Officer: “Where do you live?”
Rolligun without Big Wheel: “I don’t know”
Police Officer: “What’s your name?”
Rolligun without Big Wheel: “Troy”
My name isn’t Troy. It has never been Troy. I was asked a direct question from a large and strange figure of authority, in sunglasses. I needed to give an answer. I didn’t give a fake name out of fear. Instead I gave the name of Troy to “honor” a friend of mine from “day care.” “Day care” was brick building devoted to compound baby sitting, or rather continuous nap time, as far as I could tell. Anyway, “Troy” was my chubby buddy who spoke slowly and didn’t have any other friends. This was my impulsive way of showing him respect.
Police Officer with Radio: “Troy, I need to find out where you live, so where gonna go to the police station”
Troy: “O.K.” (I’m not sure if he’s speaking to me or the radio)
Police Officer: “Have you ever been to a Police Station”
Troy: “No” (It would be a few years)
The police officer proceeds to make his way back to the station. I think to myself that, one, this isn’t the way to the zoo, and two, I’m quite sure that I could go faster in my Big Wheel.
While the police officer continues his verbal assault to determine where I’ve come from, I happen to see my mom drive past us.
Troy: “That’s my mom right there”
The police officer turns around, the lights go on and he pulls over my mom.
She stops and he approaches the car. I try to get out, but and the doors are locked. I turn around and look out the back. The officer speaks to the window and then instructs the door to open. My mom gets out of the car. The police officer comes over to release me from my temporary confinement.
I remember the expression on my mom’s face when she speaks to the cop. It’ a look of concern and obedience. It has nothing to do with going to the Zoo.
The officer free’s my ride from back seat impound and my mom turns to me.
Come on “--Troy--” we’re going Home.
Her new expression is more along the lines of something I was hoping to see at the Zoo.
We didn’t go the Zoo, we went straight home instead where I was quickly shuttled into my room and once again placed in confinement. My Big Wheel was also sent back to”impound.”
It would take some time before either of us were released again.
~Rolligun
I have never been that fortunate. As a matter of fact the only time I’ve ever been pulled over by a cop and avoided the inclusion of pen & paper, or worse, was that of my very first time.
When I was five years old I had about the same level of patience that I have today. With that level of patience comes an equal but polar need for adventure. No patience yes adventure. I was five years old and decided that the solution to these needs was a trip to the Zoo. The frustrating part about this plan was that I needed an escort. Most communities simply aren’t ready for independent five years to do things on their own. I had to get my mom to take me. But first I had to get her out of the bathroom.
Down the Hall and on the right…I knock on the bathroom door.
I knock and wait. Knock again. And kick.
Rolliugn: “moMMMM”
…Knock, Knock, KICK…
Lady in the Bathroom: “what is it”
Rolligun with a plan: “I wanna go to the zoo.”
Evasive Lady in the Bathroom: “We’ll talk about when I’m done.”
I’m ready to go now, I have no intentions of talking about anything, much less with a door in my way.
...Kick, Kick, Knock,...
The hell with it, I open the door and enter.
Lady with hands on hips: “I told you we’d talk about it when I’m done.”
Well shit, this could take forever! I’m standing there watching her conduct some endless facial operation and god only knows when this could be over.
Intolerant Rolligun: “I’m just gonna meet you there.”
Lady now interested in negotiations: “…Rolligun,…Hey Rolligun……Rol..”
I grab my best shoes, the ones with the Velcro and head out. Goin to the Zoo. The city Zoo was about a half hour away, by auto. Of course I had no idea how to get there, but at five years old the only direction I needed was down the hall, a left and out the door. I saw no problem with any of that. My chosen course of transportation was my “big wheel.” For those of you who aren’t familiar with what the were, it was a plastic three wheeled toy of a ride, intended for transport, with one single hand brake and a big plastic wheel in the front. How they ever came to name this thing, I’ll never know.
I started wheeling my way down the sidewalk and proceeded to take various lefts and rights. I come across a new city block every so often and promptly follow with another turn to some direction or another. Doesn’t matter which road I chose, I’m goin to the Zoo.
Eventually a police officer pulls up along side me. Apparently he had been following me, without my knowledge. Sneaky fucker, but this would also serve as my first lesson in their tactics.
Blue man with Sunglasses: “where you going?”
Rolligun with Big Wheel: “Goin to the Zoo”
Blue man with Sunglasses: “That’s a long ways away, I don’t think you can make it from here.”
Rolligun with Big Wheel: “I’m almost there”
Blue Man becoming Police Officer: “Where is your mom?”
Rolligun with Big Wheel: “There is something wrong with her face, but she’s gonna meet me there”
Police Officer: “I think I better take you home”
My vehicle is confiscated and placed into the custody of the back seat. Luckily, I posed little threat to the officer at this point and he allowed me to sit in the front, un-cuffed.
Police Officer: “Where do you live?”
Rolligun without Big Wheel: “I don’t know”
Police Officer: “What’s your name?”
Rolligun without Big Wheel: “Troy”
My name isn’t Troy. It has never been Troy. I was asked a direct question from a large and strange figure of authority, in sunglasses. I needed to give an answer. I didn’t give a fake name out of fear. Instead I gave the name of Troy to “honor” a friend of mine from “day care.” “Day care” was brick building devoted to compound baby sitting, or rather continuous nap time, as far as I could tell. Anyway, “Troy” was my chubby buddy who spoke slowly and didn’t have any other friends. This was my impulsive way of showing him respect.
Police Officer with Radio: “Troy, I need to find out where you live, so where gonna go to the police station”
Troy: “O.K.” (I’m not sure if he’s speaking to me or the radio)
Police Officer: “Have you ever been to a Police Station”
Troy: “No” (It would be a few years)
The police officer proceeds to make his way back to the station. I think to myself that, one, this isn’t the way to the zoo, and two, I’m quite sure that I could go faster in my Big Wheel.
While the police officer continues his verbal assault to determine where I’ve come from, I happen to see my mom drive past us.
Troy: “That’s my mom right there”
The police officer turns around, the lights go on and he pulls over my mom.
She stops and he approaches the car. I try to get out, but and the doors are locked. I turn around and look out the back. The officer speaks to the window and then instructs the door to open. My mom gets out of the car. The police officer comes over to release me from my temporary confinement.
I remember the expression on my mom’s face when she speaks to the cop. It’ a look of concern and obedience. It has nothing to do with going to the Zoo.
The officer free’s my ride from back seat impound and my mom turns to me.
Come on “--Troy--” we’re going Home.
Her new expression is more along the lines of something I was hoping to see at the Zoo.
We didn’t go the Zoo, we went straight home instead where I was quickly shuttled into my room and once again placed in confinement. My Big Wheel was also sent back to”impound.”
It would take some time before either of us were released again.
~Rolligun
posted by Rolligun at 12:09 AM
17 Comments:
I got lost in the zoo when I was 5. My parents forgot about me! And I just wandered off...
When I realised I was lost, I went to a cop and told him that I lost my parents and those cops, they have the loudest super kick ass megaphones and they blasted my parents name in the zoo.
Ha! They were mortified.
hahahahahaha. big wheel shenanigans. i see you had the knight rider model (with the optional hand brake). was super rad doing 180's at "top speed". i got lost in my neighborhood once, i wasn't supposed to cross the street... OH BUT I DID. that's how i found out that my neighborhood a park. well, let's just say after my parents found me, i didn't see that park for what seemed like eternity. but shit, to 4/5 year old. a week is eternity.
Someday - May you be blest with a child you call - "Rolli" and may he bring antics and joy to you as you brought your parents.
"There's something wrong with her face."
Your mom needs a hug!
Awwwww, too cute. I can just imagine you.;)
I have NO doubt in the truth of that entire story.
Rolli, love, you are still as stubborn and driven as you were then. And as adverse to authority. Which is odd, considering your chosen profession of the moment.
May I ask why the zoo was your location of choice that day? Did you have any particular curiousity that needed to be answered that day? Or did the zoo just seem the place to be?
PS - as for how I REALLY got out of my tickets . . . hmm, I'll never tell.
Well, maybe not NEVER, but I would have to be greatly motivated.
Have any great motivators for me???
Welcome back
Missy,
yeah, I'm not so sure I share your excitement about the megaphones, but I'm glad you were finally located.
Drunkin,
actually it was a Dukes of Hazard big wheel, how dare your parents punish your sense of adventure
Janie,
Not to worry, she fixed her face with her utility bag and a mirror, its just what women do, apparently.
Steph,
You wanna go for a spin...
Meghan,
Excellent observation, there is a deffinate disparity when it comes to my values and the Army's don't question my authority mantality, it causes everyone around me headaches, I'm fine though.
I have no idea why I chose the Zoo, could have been triggered by anything, but the point is, I wasn't gonna change my mind.
Oh Meghan, if "motivators" is all you need, too easy, I've plenty ways to encourage you, inspire you, and direct you.
I thought you were more complicated than that.
Heidi,
Where are my baloons?
I don't see any balloons.
If you really meant it you'd go get me some baloons.
The "motivators" thing was just a tease.
I'm surprised you know me that well. . . I thought I could at least get away with ONE shallow comment.
As for complicated, I thought all men operated on the "show her something shiny" mentality. Don't you all believe that if you give us a nice piece of jewelry or a new toy - we will do anything for you??
oh Meghan, it's not giving you the "shiny" thing that wins your favor, its showing what it is that makes us WANT to give it to you, thats what gets the message across.
And I knew you were teasing, Your gonna have to try harder than that!
Demanding lil' thang, aren't you?
Are you sure there's not some Southern in your blood?
Look at Auburn trying to steal my giving balloon giving thunder.
She better watch it, or there will be a balloon giving smack down.
In mud or Jell-O perhaps...
;-)
Meghan,
Yes, I'm quite demanding, you should already know this about me, and besides, I have to raise my expectations with you.
Auburn,
Party Favors for Me!!! How wonderful, and a Hash Cake will get me kicked out of the Army...
(You were commenting on my Post, right?)
oh yeah, Heidi said that your a party crasher, and that she's reasonabley sure she could take you in a fight...
Heidi,
I suggest you go get the needed supplies,
Auburn was saying something about
you getting drunk and crazy at some party, acting well, unlady like, she also said she's tougher than you...
I don't know, maybe it's nothing..
Why, Rolligun, what did I do to deserve such a compliment???
On reflection, that may be the nicest compliment I've ever received. No one has ever told me they had to raise their expectations for me.
I'm touched.
And for once, not being sarcastic.
That was hysterical!!! I love the big wheel reference!!!
You and megs are just too hot for me... my goodness, you all are quite the team...
dukes of hazzard big wheel! you dog! i wanted that one so bad. but when i opened up the box for mine, and saw the decal on the front of the handlebars that simulated K.I.T.T.'s swooshing light... i was hooked. but damn, to have the general lee as my bigwheel... i'd have been a baaaaad man.
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