Leave of absence

I wanted to let my loyal readers know that I will be leaving the computer alone for a little while.

We didn’t get in any sort of argument and there isn’t anything wrong from these parts, I’ve just decided to take a little break.

I want to start paying more attention to some other things, start paying more attention to what’s around me.

I feel myself getting away from what I’m trying to do, neglecting the things I shouldn’t be.

I want to thank everyone who keeps coming back and leaving their insights in the form of comments. I look forward to catching up with you all when I’m done and until then, take care everyone.

Please don’t forget about me, I’ll catch a ride back into town soon…

~Rolligun

What am I going to do with myself?

Thank you Auburn. You are now on my list. I have lot’s of lists and you’re on the one titled “bloggers revenge.” I’m gonna do this tag, but do know that your name is written down.

So what am I gonna do with myself?

1. I want to do my job and go home.
2. Learn a second language, perhaps Dutch, but more than likely Spanish.
3. Go to Amsterdam, London, Prague, and Rome.
4. Live in another country, at least for a year.
5. I want to publish something. Don’t care what it is.
6. I want to get my masters degree.
7. Do amateur stand-up, just once though.
8. Brew my own beer.
9. Make having sex in public places a hobby.
10. Go Base Jumping.
11. Becom a part-time community college professor as a retirement job.
12. Retire on a sailboat and spend a couple of months a year getting lost.
13. Go to Vegas and place a ten thousand dollar bet.
14. Have a king size bed.
15. Sell my motorcycle and get a new one, a Triumph this time.
16. Hit a new personal record for speed, current is 152mph.
17. Re-pierce the back of my neck, but this time leave it in until I die (Army dependant)
18. Coach my kid’s little league team.
19. Own a club.
20. Have my own Pond.
21. Have children, don’t care how many, however I don’t want to field a sports team.
22. Learn how to analyze handwriting.
23. Learn to be more patient.
24. Get married, once.
25. Buy Steph a pair of shoes, and put them on her feet.
26. Raise children who have the things they want.
27. Get another dog from the humane society.
28. Buy a condo when I get back
29. Then move a couple years later and build my own house.
30. Commit to a career path.
31. Get a 650 or better on the GMAT
32. Take a long train ride in the Pacific Northwest.
33. Take up photography.
34. Do something with the “Make a Wish Foundation”
35. Do a better job staying in touch with people.
36. Learn calligraphy.
37. Stay in shape forever.
38. Make sure that everyone in my family is smarter than me (shouldn’t be hard)
39. Fly to New York and see a Broadway play, as a date.
40. Go to a live concert at least once a year for the rest of my life.
41. When I’m really old, do some drugs and sit in a park.
42. Give my phone number to a famous actress, again don’t care who it is.
43. Purposely drive my car into the parking police car.
44. Never lose my sense of humor.
45. Get a big tattoo on my rig cage.
46.Remove the one I have with an old girlfriend (or change it a little)
47. Walk a dog everyday.
48. Always reserve the ability to act like a teenager.
49. Make a woman happier than she has ever been.
50. Have a “poker night” when I get older.
51. Go scuba diving in the Caribbean.
52. Help a runaway.
53. Beat up my high school wrestling coach and athletic director.
54. Cut down my own Christmas trees and drag my kids with me.
55. Play in softball and volleyball leagues until I’m so old I get kicked out.
56. Always be able to truly surprise my wife, at least once a year on Valentines or anniversary.
57. Have a closer relationship with my sister.
58. Always be there for my friends
59. Figure out what motivates me.
60. Avoid talking about what I want (writing is o.k.)
61. To one day wake up next to someone I love.

~Rolligun

Guard Duty

I spent part of my day outside watching people build shit. This was by no means an exciting event to speak of. I somehow doubt it could turn into a any sort of screenplay, so I’ll make it a blog post instead.

I started out in a chair. I had a book with me. I opened the book but I never read a single page. I sat their watching the guys work. I stood up and watched them work. Arms folded. Walked, stood and sat. My purpose for being there was to make sure that these foreign contractors weren’t planting explosives or rigging shit in some way to create casualties.

Last month there were ten Marines who were blown into charred pieces at the commencement of an award ceremony. They were in a building left over from something or other and one of the Marines stepped on a floor panel that trigged, I believe, three artillery shells that were hidden underneath the floor. I’ve already told you the rest. So this isn’t a job to be taken lightly.

Not that it makes a difference who it is, but it could be myself and the guy next to me who one day who fills a back page article about an explosion. Some obscure media line about a couple of soldiers who died while on duty.

Two Army soldiers were killed Thursday from explosives hidden in concrete. PVT Charlie, age 20 of Pleasantville, USA and SGT Rolligun, age 26, of SpringTown, USA, died as result of the blast. Both were assigned to Army’s 242 Command Battalion.

The story would be on page 10C.

I didn’t have a loaded weapon with me, just a knife. It was just me and three workers. Most people like Americans, appreciate what were trying to do and the jobs we provide, but not everyone. I asked myself what would happen if these three guys decided they didn’t like me. It’s one of me and three of them. Then what? To my knowledge there hasn’t been any incidents of foreign contractors attacking a soldier on any kind of post, but it was something I thought about. All I had was knife and at least one them would go down with me. But I digress, I don’t won’t to say that there was any real threat in that situation. There wasn’t. It’s nothing like patrolling a hostile town or going door to door looking for insurgants. Things I’ve never done, it’s just my imagination asking what if this were to happen, what would I do?

Mainly I just paced around the work site. I would sit down and then get up. Take a lap and then stand. Sit down, get up, take a lap, stand. I would stand there with my arms folded across my chest and my hat pulled down low, just above my eyes. I watched them work and let my mind wander. Stand and pace. Think. They must have thought I was the most anal and serious guard they’ve had yet. I just stared with arms folded, but really I was just lost in thought.

~Rolligun

36 Hour Day

Life has been pretty busy lately. But I’m not sure if that statement accurately describes what I mean. I tend to be a creature of habit. I’m at my best when I operate on a schedule in which I’m familiar and with everyday jobs that I’m aware of. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind breaking my schedule to do things out of the ordinary, but that’s only when I can reserve those interruptions for activities that are convenient for me. Needless to say, such opportunities don’t exist anymore.

My days during this deployment have always blended together to one degree or another, but lately I have come to the conclusion that I don’t operate on a 24 hour schedule any longer. In an effort to manage my life, my expectations, my agenda, I’ve elected to change the typical calendar day to a 36 hour model. The usual necessity of knowing whether or not today is Monday or Thursday does not apply. Rarely do I know what day of the week it is, nor can I remember the last time that information was important to me. So 36 hour days it is. My intent is to regain that sense of balance.

In the last seventy-two hours, or rather two days, I’ve been bouncing back and forth between different camps, sleeping in irregular three and four hour intervals and only sensing a repetitive familiarity but once.

(Insert your own Transition)

The Kuwaiti Emir recently died. I believe he had been in power since 1978. Kuwait is governed under a “constitutional monarchy” which is very similar to the type of government in the UK for example. I know these things because I had prepared a cultural awareness class for my troops several months back. The country is roughly the size of New Jersey. Also, there are approximately 1.6 males for every female. Interesting number that 1.6, it is also commonly referred to as Phi, but you can research that for yourselves. It’s purely coincidence in this case, nothing scientific about it, as the heavy population of males is attributed to an imported work force. Anyway, his death, as tragic as it is, is also a factor in the 36 hour day.

I still have some loose ends to tie up with this new plan, of officially having a longer day. I realize that this will have an effect on universal titles for 24 hour groupings (i.e. days of the week) as well as some holidays. But none of those things have been important to me, so I will iron out the kinks sometime in Mapril.

~Rolligun

My Ipod

I’m trying to decide whether or not it’s worth the $300 or so dollars for me to throw my IPOD at the wall. For no good reason it has decided to stop working. Not that I needed any further indication that things didn’t work the way I remember, but just in case, Apple corp. was kind enough to program an LED display alerting me of the situation.

This display, both convenient and comforting, was simply an “explanation point” next to a “frown face.” [! ):] Below that was the web address for product support. That can’t be good.

First chance I got I was online trying to figure this tiny complexity out. Nobody ever mistook me for being technically savvy, but I am cable of reading. Furtherer more I’m also capable of comprehension after two or more tries. Point being I read instructions and followed instructions. No luck, no progress, nothing.

So I appeal to you.

Dear public…what should I do?

Just in Case~

~The Things I’ll Remember Most…

The way you sang me to sleep at night…

The way you use to encourage me when I worked out…

All those times we spent traveling together, by air, by auto, you were always there…

That little way you had, of associating yourself with pleasant memories of my past…

Your ability to keep things organized, just for me, and just the way I liked them…

You always knew just what to say…

You were so supportive, didn’t matter what mood I was in, you were there to help…

You never USE to argue with me, and were always willing to change at a moments notice…

I feel incomplete without you.

~Rolligun

thanks Meg

My return reply from a tag created by Ang and assigned to me by Meghan.

Feel free to save yourselves some time, but come back soon.

Two Parts of Your Heritage
1. Dutch (Henry Hudson was an ancestor, however he was English)
2. Sweedish

Two Things That Scare You
1. Paralysis
2. Ghosts

A fear you overcame
1. Jumping off large cliff (later ticketed for trespassing)

I don’t have answers for this one.

Your Everyday Essentials
1. Long shower
2. Serve at least one purpose that day
3. Music*

Two things you are Wearing Right Now
1. Cotton shorts
2. Dog tags

Two things you wore too much this year
1. Dog tags
2. Cotton shorts

This year's Favorite Bands or Musical Artists
I’ve been out of the loop with what’s new that I would like

Two Things You Want in a Relationship
1. Spontaneity
2. Stimulation

Two of your favorite Movies of the Year
See, “Favorite Bands”

Best movies of all time
1. American History X
2. Stand by Me

Two things You hate
1. Slow walkers
2. Watching people look for change

Two of Your Favorite Hobbies
1. Dog Walking past days
2. Blogging these days

Two things you learned this year
1. It’s not about me
2. You can’t control everything

I would consider these to be more of a “heightened awareness” it’s hard to reverse the first 25 years of your beliefs.

One Accomplishment You are Proud of
1. Bachelors Degree…(that was a close one)

Two Things You Want Really Badly
1. To have exclusive sex (its been awhile and won’t change anytime soon)
2. a mini-me

Two place you went this year.
1. American Embassy in Kuwait City
2. In A Rut

Two Places You Want to go on Vacation
1. Australia/Greece
2. Anywhere I can do what I want.

Two Things You Want to Do Before You Die
1. Be a Husband and father
2. Retire on a sailboat

Two Ways that you are a Stereotypical Example of your Gender
1. I’ll park anywhere. Regardless of ordinances or relative distance.
2. I’ll wear clothes to the bitter fucking end

Two things that make you stand out.
1. Confrontational & Opinionated
2. Usually not doing as the others

Two Things You Normally Wouldn't Admit
1. I judge to quickly, most likely made up my mind after “hello”
2. I don’t have any passion

Two Goals for the New Year
1. Decide next two years of my life (after deployment)
2. Have a positive effect on someone I serve with

Hmmm…thanks for reading but you must have time to spare, if that’s the case consider yourself tagged as well. We’ll use the honor system on this one.

~Rolligun

12 Down

Last night was a bad night, a long night. We processed the entire remains of the Black Hawk helicopter that went down in Tell-Afar. The good part of the story was that the crash itself was the product of an immediate dismissal. It was found approximately two hours after it crashed and was the result of bad weather. There was no fire.

In addition to our regular crew, we had the Command Sergeant Major, the Battalion Commander, a Colonel with his men, and a visit by a two star general who was also accompanied by personal escorts. It was good to see all these soldiers here to help out, join in and show both their support and respect.

The room in which our work is done was more crowed then I had ever seen it. In part because of the extra “brass” that was in town, but mainly it was the numbers.

I’m getting use to this job. I got use to the dark. I got use to riding a bike. You can get use to a lot of things.

Look at the case.

Open the case.

Look at the bag.

Unzip the bag.

Look.

Look away.

Inventory everything.

Ask yourself questions.

Think.

Look again.

Zip the bag.

Position the ice.

Close the case.

Look at the case.

Process the paper work.

Lay the Flag.

Look at the flag.

Load.

Walk away.

Repeat eleven times.

The spouse of one of the deceased was at a nearby camp. She came to where we were. She was there to be with her husband and to escort him home. She wanted to see him, but decided not too. That was the worst part of the night. My vote doesn’t compare.

The Command Sergeant Major gave me a coin for duty last night. It was gesture of service, a token of appreciation. It’s a good thing, but I don’t deserve it. I don’t want it.

Twelve soldiers got flags last night.

I got a coin.

~Rolligun

Moot Points

Things have been really busy as of late. I have written some posts and planned to write about some others, but all of it is relatively pointless compared to what’s been going on. It’s crazy when you think about the things that are important to you. What point of reference do you use? Then go ahead and change that reference point. Its weird how a simple point of view will automatically change so many things, create so many alternatives. Guilt. Distress. Confusion.

If anyone has been reading the news, we’ve lost over thirty people in the last four days. We’ve had IED’s, always IED’s. There were small arms causalities, vehicle accidents, suicides. Most recently a helicopter crash tallied 12 more.

Chaireborne recently posted some of our enduring few who were among the first to sacrifice this year. I read that list in it’s entirely but once, then I read it individually several times. I read a name and saw a face. Saw a name then read the face. The process confused itself and my recent memory of them ran concurrently with his post as I absorbed it. I’ve met most of the men on that list.

What do you think about? What do you write about? What do you care about? There all related but sometimes the challenge is putting them together. Then again, change the reference point…does any of it really matter?

~Rolligun

Nothing to talk about...

I’m living in an old tent. This is my third home. The first was some sort of warehouse thing, followed by a trailer/billet combination, and now finally a tent. It’s not one of the newer 2’nd generation tents the camp has to offer. It’s from round one.

Also, they all look the same to me. I would get careless when I walk. My mind would wander and sometimes I’d walk down the wrong line of tents and have to start over. It took two weeks to get past this. I need to be more careful.

Everyone from my unit is from Puerto Rico. I’m not from Puerto Rico. They all speak Spanish. I don’t. I smile instead.

I heard back from my dad. He sent a follow up email regarding the envelope. It was typical email that lacked any greeting or close, much less a post scripture. It was a total of five lines. Anyway, he said…and I quote “I intentionally picked things that are out of the norm. A lot of times, when we look and study things out of our normal daily range of inputs, we are truly entertained.” Fine whatever, one point for the old man.

I don’t have a regular sleep schedule. I am woke up at any time, between the hours of 0000 and 0600. Sometimes twice a night. I average six or seven hours a sleep a day, split between two or more pillow encounters.

I stood outside the other night, quietly waiting for a cargo plane. There was another SGT with me. He’s in his 40’s. He asked me what I was thinking about. I told him, “oh, a little of all, my mind wanders quite a bit.” How about yourself? He replied the same way…“my wind wanders too.” He then went on to talk about the differences between “today’s Army” and the “old Army.” He talked about the job he left and his girlfriend. He talked about his expectations in a round about way. I listened to him and waited for the cargo plane. I chimed in with some sort of comment here and there. I stood outside quietly listening and waiting. He’s frustrated with things and regrets coming back into the Army.

I no longer have a nemesis, that being my old 2lt, that’s good. But I’ve been hearing some conflicting things about our acting 1SGT. He’s up north right now and I haven’t met him yet. I wonder how we’ll get along?

I like the guys I’m with. There’s a younger, cocky one, who’s now from New York. We get along well.

I have to find a way to help develop these guys and build a relationship with them. It’s still a little early for some of it, but I’ll pick my points in due time.

I don’t know what’s going on at home.

In a few days I will meet a three star general. He’s the top guy in all of the “Army Reserve.” He’s a very accomplished man who deserves great respect, but it’s not a big deal for me.

When I first got here, I spent most of my free time studying for the GMAT. I haven’t done so much with it in the last six weeks or so. It’s important to me, and I have to find the time.

I plan on going to Europe for a month when I get back. I will bring an extra t-shirt.

I’m looking forward to moving again, when I get home. I think I will find a new city to live in. I’m considering several different options, but I have one I’m leaning towards.

I will get a second dog when I settle. I’ll get him from the humane society also.

I don’t want to do anything that has to do with sales when I get back.

I use to build houses, while I was in college. I think I want to get into development.

I want to get my Master’s degree for the fuck of it. But that isn’t how I’ll necessarily describe my ambition in an interview.

I like this whole idea of “blogging” I think there are some really talented and thoughtful people out there. It gives me an opportunity to do random jottings and learn about others.

Nobody who knows me back home or over here, knows about this blog.

There are people who I’ve met in this sprawling community that I would like to meet one day.

I want to change the title of this blog. But I won’t.

I have an anal habit of taking mental notes. I transfer them to paper and look at them later. Sometimes it’s just as simple as a list of “shit to do” other times it isn’t.

I come with a weird combination of frustration and resilience.

I’m not at all looking forward to the infernal heat this country produces. It comes back in six weeks or so.

I ran out of ideas for shit to write about in the blog, this is what I came up with.

Thanks for reading it anyway.

~Rolligun

The Drag Show

I read a comment by DrunkinChud that he posted on Laurie(akabuggy)'s blog. He made a funny comment about gay bars or something. This in turn reminded me of a story.

My last girlfriend use to like to drag me out with her friends, it was always “I haven’t seen her since fourth grade, you have to meet her” O.k. it wasn’t quite as ridiculous as elementary school friends, but she somehow had an endless supply of people I needed to meet and had continued to meet. We dated for about a year, plus we were a pretty social couple to boot. Where these people came from I’ll never know. One weekend we went back to her parent’s house in the “Twin Cities.” I begged and pleaded to stay home, even used the excuse that my dog doesn’t like to travel, which she knows is not so. But she had these plans to go out with “one of her best friends” and I, apparently, had to be there. I’d had already met this girl, she’s lovely, and we got along well. Why not just leave it at that? Why the hell did she always have to drag me out for her “female nights?” I would rather have hung out with her step dad or the one brother who did like me. What was I needed for?

xGirlfriend: “I can’t wait to see Courtney tonight, she has something really fun planned for us. Do you care what we do?”

Me: “No, whatever you want.”

Girlfriend: “Great, she wants to go to “Gay 90’s” It’s a club downtown.”

Me: “What?!?”

Girlfriend: “It’s a drag show, where these men dress up as women and sing songs. There just gorgeous, you can’t even tell and they sing really well. Do you want to go?”

Me: Fuck No!!!

Girlfriend: “You won’t be the only guy there, and they sing really well!”

Me: “Have you lost your mind?”

“I don’t care”

Girlfriend: “You said you didn’t care what we did, and I haven’t seen her in sooo long. Please come with, you have too. You owe me.”

Me: “For what! What the HELL are you talking about?”

Girlfriend: Please it would mean so much to me! {smiles, tugs on arm} and Courtney is excited to see you again. {finishes with a hop}

Me: “AARRRGGGG!!!!”

Girlfriend: “Excellent, I want you to dress nice, wear the…”

Me: {Blank Stare}

(Why I’m choosing to relive this fuckin nightmare, I don’t know.)

So we go to this club, my girlfriend, one of her various “best” friends and me. I dressed well, but absolutely refused to wear the shirt she wanted. I could already tell that mustering any sort of dignity tonight was going to be quite the challenge for me. I was ready to pounce on any winnable battle I could find. They giggled and chatted the whole way there. I sat quietly in the back seat with my nose pressed tightly against the window. I do a quick mental comparison between the imminent pain of tonight verse what would happen if I jump out the back of the car as we hang a left. It’s a close call. The deciding factor was that it was still a club, they serve alcohol and I wasn’t driving. You always have to try to focus on the good in life.

Enter the “Gay 90’s”,

I see a dance floor {not interested},

I see a stage with rows of seats {walk faster, have to walk faster}

Girlfriend: “See, that’s where we sit, I want to sit towards the front.”

Me: “Of course you do”

I see booths, they’re an inviting alternative, but still isn’t what I need right now.

Finally!! For the GLORY of all that is MAN, there’s huge giant square for a bar.

It’s glowing.

I lose the girls and push my way through several unidentifiable genders to reach the bar. I promptly order a beer and a shot.

Girlfriend: “There you are, can you get us two martinis?”

Me: “Yes”

“Add two martinis, dry, with kettle one, extra olives and another shot for me”

I have the drinks but I decide to take a break next to the bar. I’m safe over here. I stay put. As I look around I begin to scratch myself and roll my neck. I continue to scratch and begin to stick out my chest a bit. I do anything I can think of to send out the “all man vibe.”

Courtney taps me on the shoulder,

“Come on, Jess has some really good seats. You’ll have fun trust me”

{Trust you? No.}

I sit down next to Jess, she’s in the middle with Courtney on the other side.

There giggling again.

I scratch myself.

The lights go out and the show begins. Something walks on to the stage in a long shiny dress. It walks the stage and proceeds to have an intimate relationship with the microphone. It plays the part of a transgender host and introduces the next walking mystery. This one starts to sing a song that I’m unfamiliar with. The mystery finishes its set and out comes another obscurity, also dressed in shiny materials. The obscurity does pretty much the same thing that the mystery did. The obscurity finishes and the something walks back out on to the stage, it tells a joke that is completely lost on me but then indicates a break in the “fun.”

Thank God. I get back up. And back to the bar. I’ll have another beer and another shot.

I start to walk back down the aisle, I had taken my time, which is starting to feel like a mistake. The lights start to dim, I pause to look for Jess and retrace my steps. Where the hell is she? I’m getting nervous now. I feel clouds coming. Something is back on stage and I’m standing in the middle of the aisle looking for Jess. Something takes a hold of the mike and here comes the storm.

Something: “Hey there Cutie. What do they call you?”

Me: “Rolligun”

(My mind says): {Straight, Drunk, Lost}

Something: “Are you enjoying the show?”

Me: “Never seen anything like it”

(My mind): {I would rather look at stamps with someone else’s grandma}

Something: “Who’s your favorite so far?”

Me: “They all have there good points”

(My mind): {Go to Hell}

Something: “Oh come Sugar, you have to pick one”

Me: “The one who tripped on the cord”

(My mind): {I’m gonna run up there and beat your ass}

Something: (Laughs) “Alright Cutie, I think this fabulous young lady over here is waiting for you”

I yammer some sort of grunt, include a pointing gesture, and go about my way.

I scratch myself once more.

I make it back to my seat and swiftly extinguish the beer.

Girlfriend: “This is so much fun!”

Me: “Couldn’t imagine anything better”

{Fuck off}

Me: “I’m gonna go back to the bar”

Girlfriend: “Can you get us…”

{NO}

“…some more drinks”

Me: “Yes”

Girlfriend: “You’re having a good time right?”

Me: “As long as I’m with you”

{Why do you hate me?}

That was the pinnacle of the night, the part where I got busted out by the host or hostess, or rather something. I tried to keep my answers short and play-up my involuntary part. But something was a little more inquisitive than I had hoped for.

I should of have just jumped out of the car when I had the chance, a long time ago.

~Rolligun